


Sincerely, Annie Odair

by mdr_24601



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Annie Cresta-centric, District 13 (Hunger Games), District 4 (Hunger Games), F/M, Grief/Mourning, Healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:34:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24610846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mdr_24601/pseuds/mdr_24601
Summary: She wrote to Finnick not because she expected him to respond, but because she wanted him to listen. And Annie believed that somewhere, somehow, he was.
Relationships: Annie Cresta & Johanna Mason, Annie Cresta/Finnick Odair
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Sincerely, Annie Odair

Annie’s hands fiddled nervously with the rope. It had been Finnick’s rope while she was in the Capitol. It was dirty and the ends were frayed but his hands had been there, twisting and pulling it in the same way she was, and that was enough. He had touched the rope and she had touched the same rope and it was like they were together, but not really. 

“Annie?”

Annie glanced up distractedly. Doctor Aurelius was talking to her. They had been talking regularly since the end of the war. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she had almost forgotten they were supposed to be having a conversation. 

“Yes?”

“I’d like you to try something for me.” Doctor Aurelius shifted in his seat and gazed at her. “Before you go to bed, or whatever time works best for you, I’d like you to write Finnick a letter.”

She wanted to laugh. Finnick was dead, or so they kept telling her. Annie wasn’t sure it would work. But she wasn’t sure about a lot these days.

“But he’s…” The remaining word hung tensely in the air. _Dead_. She hadn’t been able to complete the sentence yet. 

“I know,” the doctor nodded. “And I’m not asking you to pretend like he’s here. I just think this would be a good way for you to sort out your emotions and get your thoughts on paper. Tell him how you're feeling, or what you did that day, whatever’s on your mind.”

Annie paused, considering the idea. Her hands worked on knotting the rope. She had never been as adept at tying knots as Finnick was, but she wasn’t half bad, and it reminded her of him. “Okay,” she said after an especially long pause. “I’ll try.”

Doctor Aurelius gave her a warm smile. “Thank you, Annie. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Annie walked back to her compartment in Thirteen. She had been staying there since the end of the war, but she was hoping the medical staff would give her permission to return to Four soon. She missed the water. 

Putting the rope down for a moment, Annie sat down at the small table. There was paper in the drawers already, so she pulled a piece out and set in carefully on the table. 

She took a deep breath as her hand rested subconsciously on her abdomen. If she thought hard about it, she could still feel the way their son shifted in her stomach. The little flutter of life had been the force that got her out of bed after she heard that Finnick wasn’t coming back. 

Annie picked up a pencil, letting it balance gently between her fingers. She wasn’t sure what to say. There was so much she’d tell him if given the chance, and yet it all translated to approximately nothing as she sat down to write. 

_Finnick_ , she began. 

_I miss you every day. Nowhere feels like home without you. The war is over and we won, but I can’t feel happy. Not without you._

_We’re going to have a son. I should have told you before you left, but I was too scared. You deserved to know, though, so I’m telling you now. I’m pregnant._

_I don’t know what to name him yet. I wish you were here to decide with me. I want him to be born in Four, though. Hopefully I’ll get to go home soon, because I’m still in Thirteen. It’s safe, and I’m glad for that, but it’s not home._

_Our son is keeping me going now. Every time I feel him move, or feel the bump under my clothes, I’m reminded of what I’m fighting for. He’ll never have your presence in his life, and I will probably always regret that, but he’ll know his father. I’ve got plenty of stories, Finnick. Our good moments and our funny moments. I’ll be sure to tell him embarrassing stories, too, so he knows what you’re like outside of being a war hero._

_I don’t know how I’m going to get on without you, I just know that I have to. For our son. He can have a good life because we fought for it. I won’t let that go to waste, I promise._

_I’ll love you every day. I couldn’t forget you even if I tried. It feels like there’s a little piece of you in my heart that I carry with me everywhere. I love you._

_Sincerely,_

_Annie Odair_

* * *

She was allowed to return to Four a few weeks later. Her baby bump had grown in size and was starting to become visible through her clothes. That was how Annie measured time now; by the size of her growing stomach. 

To her surprise, she didn’t go back alone. Johanna came with her, insisting that there was nothing for her in Seven and that she may as well try Four. Although the two weren’t close, Annie was glad that Johanna was joining her. She didn’t want to raise her child alone. 

They went back to her and Finnick’s old house in Victor’s Village. It felt large and empty without Finnick there to fill it up, but she knew it would fill up soon with the arrival of their son.

She wrote him a letter a few nights later. 

_Finnick,_

_We arrived back in District Four today. Johanna came with me. I think she misses you, too. Our house is too big without you there. Sometimes I feel like our bed is so big that it could just swallow me whole. On the bad days, I wish it would._

_Our son is getting bigger every day. It won’t be long before he’s born. I don’t know if I’ll be a good mother. If you were here, you’d tell me not to worry, and that I’d be the best mother. But you’re not here, and I’m all alone, and I’ve got no idea how to raise a child._

_I’m going to name him Wade. Wade Odair. I suppose I’ll never know if you like the name, so I just have to hope that you would have._

_Sometimes I’m angry at you for leaving, but I know it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t my fault either. It was the Capitol’s—Snow’s—fault. He’s dead now, by the way. I figured you should know._

_I still think of you all the time. I don’t think I’ll ever stop. Everything in this house reminds me of you. The bed where we slept and the table where we ate and the couch where we made love that one time. I still keep sugar cubes on the counter for you. Johanna and I don’t like them, but we keep them there anyway._

_I love you. But you know that already._

_Sincerely,_

_Annie Odair_

She put the pen down and sighed. Annie’s eyes ached from strain and her body yearned for sleep, but she knew she’d be lucky to get a full night of rest. The bed didn’t fit her anymore, and the nightmares kept her awake. She could hear Finnick’s screams still ringing in her ears in the early hours of the morning. 

Still, she pulled back the covers and climbed into bed. She couldn’t help but feel like she was drowning in the covers, but her eyelids eventually fluttered shut. 

Annie slept fitfully.

* * *

Their son entered the world screaming. It wasn’t unusual; most babies did. But when their son was placed in Annie’s arms and smiled up at her, all she could see was Finnick. His green eyes and his smile. Their son looked like his father, and Annie was glad. 

He grew quickly, and Annie found that her life quickly began to revolve around him. He was her anchor, in the same way Finnick had been. The bad days were decreasing, but on days when she couldn’t get out of bed, Johanna took care of her son. She was surprisingly good with him, despite her abrasive nature. 

Annie walked into their bedroom one night after a long day on the beach. She cradled Wade to her chest. Her face and shoulders hurt slightly from sunburn, but Annie didn’t mind. It was just part of living in Four, anyway. 

Wade was already asleep and Annie wanted to join him, but she never went to sleep without writing to Finnick first. 

_Finnick,_

_We went to the beach today. It was warm, but I can tell that Wade already loves the ocean. He’ll make a good swimmer one day. You’d be proud of him._

_He’s getting so big. Every day I wonder how I’ve come this far, raising a son, taking him to the beach. Living. It’s hard without you, and it probably always will be, but in some ways it feels like you’re not really gone. Wade is looking more like you every day. He has your eyes, and your smile._

_Johanna’s been a great help, too. I think we’re friends now. Wade loves her, and it does the both of us good to have another adult presence in the house. I think that if you could see us now, you’d be proud. I hope so, anyway._

_There are bad moments, too. Today I accidentally dropped a bowl and the cracked pieces cut my fingers slightly, and I had to remind myself that my fingers weren’t bloody because I had just killed someone. I don’t like that Wade will have to grow up around that, but it’s our reality. And one day I’ll tell him everything, when he’s old enough to understand._

_I’ll love you always, Finnick._

_Sincerely,_

_Annie Odair_

Annie climbed into bed next to their son as soon as she was done with the letter. The bed didn’t feel so uncomfortably big anymore, not with her son in it. They slept next to each other. He was another person in her bed and it brought love back into her bedroom, and Annie hadn’t had a single nightmare in two weeks. 

* * *

Time passed. Wade grew up. Annie and Johanna grew together. As friends, family; not romantically, because nobody could ever replace Finnick. 

Wade was quickly approaching his eighth birthday, and Annie was constantly astounded by how much he had grown. They went to the beach often, or went to town. He had school to occupy his time now, and Annie had the majority of the day alone. She found, though, that she didn’t mind. 

She still wrote to Finnick every night. She suspected that she always would, because there was comfort in the familiar. And writing to him made Annie feel more connected to Finnick. She knew he was dead, but it was nice to keep his memory alive. 

_Finnick,_ she wrote one night.

_Wade asked about you again today. I’ve only told him good things, because he’s young, but he’s almost eight now. I’ve told him a little bit about the Games, because the other kids at school were talking about it. He knows that we’re victors and that you died in the war, and that’s about it. He can learn the specifics in a few years._

_He reminds me of you every day. At least now I won’t have to worry about forgetting what your eyes looked like. Not like I’d forget, anyway. I dream of you all the time._

_I just wanted you to know that things are good here. More often than not, I’m happy. I have people that I care about and people that care about me. I’ll never stop loving you, of course, but I’ve learned to love other things in your absence._

_Wade wanted to learn how to throw a trident. I’m not very good and Johanna doesn’t know how, so Johanna’s been teaching him how to wield an axe. He’s quite good at it, actually. I’m just glad that he won’t ever need to use that skill in real-life combat._

_Today was pretty uneventful, not much happened. I suppose I’m done for tonight, then. I love you, and I’ll talk to you again tomorrow._

_Sincerely,_

_Annie Odair_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading. Be sure to leave kudos, bookmark, or comment if you liked it. :)


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